why am i doing this?

Okay, a little background. I have never thought much of myself physically. I have been overweight most of my life. I am fortunate enough to be very well proportioned so I carry my weight okay, but I'm still fat no matter how you look at it. I admire plus sized women who are secure and confident despite the fact the rest of the world says they are a ugly, fat cows. They don't feel the pressure to lose weight because they know that weight is not the only determining factor of beauty. Now my weight is not the only reason I do not look favorably upon myself but it is one of my concerns. Well I am thinking about all of this because of a couple of situations. Comments were made.

Comment #1:
Friend "C" to Friend "A"
"Oooh, look at her trying to lose weight for this new man in her life."

Comment #2:
At the club last Thursday and last night
"Wow! You go you sexy thing you! You are so beautiful and your confidence in yourself is evident."

Addressing comment one. I do not have a man in my life. I am fortunate enough to have a new friend and if I don't screw it up we will see where it goes. Now that I have said that, I am not attempting to lose weight for some guy! It would never work. When my friend said that I instantly starting doubting myself. I began to think that maybe I was getting serious about this to try to impress a certain otaku. NO WAY! This is a lifestyle change. I have been overweight and mistreated my body far too long. I am wanting to lead a healthier lifestyle, thus the walking/ running thing, being more conscious of what I eat and actually getting sleep. I am also going after goals that I have let elude me for far too long. Reaching small goals along the way in fitness will be motivation for me to reach for my other goals from playing the guitar to finishing my degree.

Addressing comment two. Yeah I know I could not believe it either. I actually ended up asking the first person if they were drunk because I seriously thought the lady had to be inebriated to say that to me. She looked hurt that I said that and proceeded to tell me she was fine and that I needed to take the compliment. I did but I still thought she was drunk, I found out later she wasn't, she was her groups designated driver. Last night I was doing a little dancing on the bar. Yes, definitely a little out of character for me. The bar! That is where the skinny witches and pretty young things strut their stuff. Somehow with the coaxing of friends I had my old, overweight, average looking behind up there shaking it and having a good time. Normally I would be too worried about what people would think to do something like that but I went for it and did not care what anyone else thought. As a result a guy approached me and told me I looked great up there with the other girls. I thought he probably thinks I'm easy or something. There was no reason, no hidden motive he was just giving me a compliment.

Now I have to keep going with this. That kind of thing, a simple compliment from a stranger is motivation to not only want to lose the weight but to gain confidence in myself. I have to become secure and it might as well be now because no matter what my weight my confidence has to come from being comfortable with myself.